D.S.M------>Dating Single Moms

Single Mom's seem to struggle at times with the dating world. 

So when it comes to dating a single mom...keep these things in mind.

1. Yes, I have been hurt before...not just once, either. I guard my heart...protecting myself.


2. I am not desperate. Please don't think I need you...I actually want you.

3. I am strong...I am not asking to be rescued, but want someone who cares enough to want to help.


4. If I let you in my life it means I truly care.


5. If I let you into my children's life it means that I trust you. My children are my life.



6. I am not looking for your money, I value your time more.

7. I have a lot on my plate, my life can't always revolve around you.


8.When you are a single parent time is limited...so making time for someone else, shows how much I care.


9. I have more responsibilities then the average woman

10. I am just as understanding of your responsibilities


11. I can't always drop everything...please understand.


12. I value someone who is working to better themselves


13.We are adults--be honest and upfront.


14. I am a giver...but don't use me


15. I am probably one of the most caring people you will know.

We learn that life is't always as simple as we would like it to be. That doesn't mean that because it is harder that it will not be worth it. It is all about what you invest in life and relationships.

Yes We are that Awesome!

Today is international Women's Day!

Celebrating women...why?

Well even though we are one of the most mysterious creatures on this planet....

WE ARE:

Beautiful
Strong
Loving
Caring
Forgiving
Sharing
Nurturing
and so much more...

We may drive men crazy at times and equally so...plenty of them men do the same.

One thing about women that completely impresses me is their ability to Give.

When a friend or loved one is hurting...we step right in regardless of our own problems and hurt to help, comfort and support them.

We will work, take care of the home, take care of the kids, volunteer, workout, host events, capture memories,teach, learn and multitask like you can not believe.

We will protect our family, children and loved ones with ferocity of a mother bear.

We hurt, we get angry, we cry....and we will still get back up and continue on.

We LOVE beyond compare!

Our endless beauty captures attention.

We are compassionate and empathetic towards the needs of others.

We share who we are

We empower each other

We are just completely AWESOME!!
Go tell a woman in your life how much you appreciate them.

Single Dads...this one's for you!

To all the single dad outs there...

It's not easy...and I'm not discrediting single moms or any parent for that matter.
 I know it's not easy for single moms or sometimes even married couples with kids.

And even though I see lots of things "supporting" single moms...there are quite a few completely AWESOME single dads.

 Lucky for me..I know some too!  So.....Let me just say "Thank You"!!

Thank you for continually being there for your children when the rest of your life fell apart.

Thank you for working hard and coming home to your kiddos.

Thank you for the making the meals..whether it be macaroni and cheese or Thanksgiving dinner.

Thank you for trying to put your little girls hair in a ponytail..maybe even a braid and not ending in a complete knot.

Thank you for cutting your little guys hair...or maybe just shaving it all off.

Thank you for making sure shirts are on right, shoelaces are tied, coats are zipped and backpacks are packed.

Thank you for listening to endless children's songs, as they play them over and over again.

Thank you for watching their favorite movie 5 times in row until they fall asleep...or you do first.

Thank you for being there when they are sick, worrying, checking on them...making them feel better.
Thank you for helping with homework, going to school functions and endless practices and sporting events.

Thanks for being the "cheerleader" at the games.

Thank you for fixing the "boo-boo's" with band aids and hugs

Thanks for teaching your kiddos how to hunt, fish, ride a bike, work on cars, build stuff or play an instrument...and trying to be as patient as possible...even though we know how hard it can be.

Thank you for goodnight stories, bedtime prayers and tucking them into bed.

Thank you for being protective when it comes to "first dates".

Thank you for driving them to their friends house, or picking up their friends.

Thank you for having birthday parties and sleepovers...dealing with a house full of children and remaining as calm as possible..yet completely embarrassing them when the chance arises.

Thank you for wiping tears and being their when they need to "vent".

Thank for sometimes letting them have dessert before dinner.

Thank you for showing them how to drive and know the difference between the gas and oil.

Thank you for sharing your love of sports,

Thank for taking them on adventures, seeing new places and experiencing new things.

Most all, Thank You for being there always giving your love and your devotion to your children.
It will not be the things you gave them in life, but the time spent, the memories made and the love given that they will remember and cherish the most.

Tears in the rear view

I want to share a memory with you.
 Actually is was an awakening point for myself.

I remember the day quite clearly, it was a sunny warm October afternoon.
 I had just recently separated from my ex and had moved into a rental house with my kiddos.
My daughters were sharing a room & needed shelving for their closet.
 A friend offered to help me install the shelving, if I went and bought it.

I got the kids up and ready for school...normal morning for the most part, besides adjusting to our new house.
After dropping them off and saying my goodbyes, I headed off to the home improvement store. The drive wasn't long, probably about 20 minutes depending on traffic.
I remember merging onto the expressway, pushing the accelerator, increasing my speed.
I got about 3 miles down the expressway and my foot started to shake, my chest felt heavy and tears started to flow. I began sobbing, my whole body shaking.
The radio was playing, but I didn't hear the song anymore. I kept telling myself, that I could do this.
I could make it to the store. I needed to do this, for my kids and myself.

I kept driving, no matter how much my mind was telling me to just turn around and go home.
I pulled into the parking lot at the store. I remember a slight bit of relief come over me, I had made it.
Looking in my rear view mirror, wiping my eyes and checking my makeup...I couldn't go in the store looking like I just balled my eyes out.

I got out of the car, walking into the store with my list in hand. Got myself a shopping cart and headed to the shelving aisle.

The tears and shaking had stopped...now I was on a mission...quickening my steps as I walked down the aisle, I gripped the handle on the cart, I felt my body tense up.
 Getting to the shelving aisle, I had my list ready and knew exactly what I needed.
 I quickly grabbed the white wire shelving I needed, the hardware to go along with and was preparing to speed right for the checkout.

And then I stopped...stopped myself right there.

It was that moment that it hit me...it hit me why I had sobbed in the car and why I was rushing around the store.

My life up until this moment had been controlled.
 I had been told when I could go places, what I needed to get, how much I was allowed to spend and how long I was to be gone.
 Phone calls and texts would typically begin as I was shopping, wondering how much longer I was going to be, where I was at, and what I had spent.
Errand running and shopping were always a thing of dread for me.
I would always try my best to get to my destination quickly, get exactly what I needed to get & head directly home.
My moments of solace found only driving in my car to and from home with radio playing.
All the anxiety, the fear of how I had lived my life up until this point had come pouring out.

Emotional abuse can impact you so much more then you truly believe. The scars you have are buried deep, hidden from the world.
 It was my own form of PTSD.
After my eyes opened to why I was actually feeling so anxious...I actually forced...yes,it may sound odd, but I forced myself to continue looking around the store, to slow down.

 It may sound like a simple task for most. For me, doing that for the first time was not as easy as you may think.
I didn't spend much more then about 30 minutes this first time...looking around.
 I even decided to buy a shelf for my own room as well.
I knew now that it was okay to be me, I was in control of myself, my life...and I was definitely allowed to slow down and enjoy it.

It was me living my own life for the very first time.

I Should Date...Me!!

All those damn romantic comedies that make it look so fun and simple...they are full of lies, all lies!!

Seriously, Being a mom to 3 kids...the majority of my time is spent at home, work, and the grocery store. So unless they have home delivery..oh wait...nope never mind..haha!

Did you recently go through a divorce, separation or break up?

Well I am here to tell you and I am not sugar coating anything....it is damn hard to try and even begin dating again. Yes we have grown up some, matured from our last relationship/marriage...but it is a totally different experience dating when you are older.

First things first...if you seriously just came out of a relationship, are separated or recently divorced, this is the very first thing I want you to do:

TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF!! You truly need to do this. You need to find yourself again, regain those pieces of yourself that you might have lost. Regain a handle on your life, your priorities. This is not a simple task. I know that you may be saying "I have freedom!" or "I am back on the market."
There are reasons that your past relationship ended...don't try to jump right into another...it really can set you up for failure and how will  you feel then? Just think about for a second.

-What are things that you loved to do before your were in a relationship?
-Hobbies that you might have given up?
-Places maybe you've never seen?
-Books you never read?
-Friends you haven't seen in a long time?
-College classes you might have wanted to take?
-Working towards a goal in your career or changing a career?
-If you have kiddos...things, places or activities you never got to do with your kids?
-Taking yourself out on a "date"

  I'm not joking on this one!!
 One weekend when my kids were gone to their Dad's, I was home alone on a Friday evening. I stopped by the grocery store and picked up myself one of those fancy individual packaged chicken breasts, some veggies for grilling and my favorite adult beverage.
I came home, it was a warm summer night so I fired up the grill.
 Brought candles out to my patio table, along with a real table setting...hey, I was going all out for myself.
 I turned on the stereo to my favorite radio station, cranked the music. I grilled my food, opened my chilled adult beverage, lit my candles & sat down to a fabulous dinner.

Pop Sugar- Things to Do Alone

Do you know how nice it was to "treat" myself? It felt absolutely amazing!!


Now do I have a specific timeline of how long you should try this...No. My kids actually actually asked me only after 2 weeks of separation when I was going to start dating...seriously...I'm glad they were excited about it..haha! I spoke with friends & family...some gave me responses to try dating after about a month or two...others said to wait 7 years...Ummm, NO!! This is something you need to completely decide on your own.
I waited around 8 months...for my first attempt at dating. I had a really great time, but it wasn't meant to turn into a relationship. Was I hurt, Yes. Now you're probably saying "wait you just said it was "great"!". And honestly it was, he treated me like I had always imagined being treated. Unfortunately distance and careers did not make for ideal situation to start a relationship. And that is part of dating when your older...people have lives established..we have to be understanding & compromising to those things. It's not easy. It comes down to a little more of an investment...takes a little more work.

So what I am saying first...is INVEST in yourself!
How do you truly believe that you can offer someone time in your life...if you can't make time for yourself?
No short changing yourself...saying "Eh, I'm not worth it."...bullshit...you absolutely are!!
And keep dating yourself until that right person comes along!

Dear Guys...want to date?

Dear Guys


   Okay guys, this is for you. I'm sure you think I am totally here to bash you--but that's not it at all. Why? 
Well because I can't... because there are plenty of us girls that do the same exact things that you do to.
  And I am definitely not an expert when it comes to guys or even dating for that matter.
   But maybe a little female perspective on things will help, well my perspective...I don't know.

   Girls like attention: Yes, you're probably thinking to yourself right now..."Ummm, duh...I knew that! But here's maybe something you didn't...

Does it have to be non stop, calling, texting, dates, flowers, gifts, notes...etc?

        NO!! Yes, we do like attention, most girls do--we like to feel appreciated more then anything. We however, do not expect you to shower us with that "attention"--non-stop...it will actually begin to feel like smothering.
 I think maybe you can even agree with that one...guys typically don't like to be smothered...maybe only when it comes to a food item...haha, smothered steak, or fries..Mmmmm...ok,ok...going off subject now.

   Calling/texting...most girls love to talk, some may like it everyday...I can't say it doesn't give us little "butterflies" when your name pops up on our phone, but do I have to have it everyday? No, we also have other things (just like you) that can take up our days...jobs, responsibilities, errands, other phone calls, eating, sleeping, showering..etc...You see what I am saying...so if a day or two goes by, that's totally cool. Just don't leave us hanging for a week...a little "Hi, how's it going?" or "Thinking of you." is perfect!

 Dates...I'm not even sure if I totally know how this works anymore...no seriously, society has changed this up on me so much, guess that happens when you've been out of the "dating pool" for awhile...long while...long, long while; are you laughing at me yet?
 No, I'm not telling you exactly how long...soooo, come on, I'll give you my FYI on dating.

   1st Date: Well either you have met each other before, or maybe its a "blind" date...so here is my personal opinion...the most important part to the first date...
 TIME--guys try to be on time, things like traffic happen..no biggee...but if you asked me out & then tell me to wait until you call me...well, it sounds like you are busy, not really interested, or maybe even finishing a date with someone else (Yup, these things can run through our heads)...making us girls feel important is a Gift!
Remember this is a first date, not a "let's jump right into a relationship"...you need to take the time to get to know each other. I'm sure you both can get a good sense if this date should continue into a second date.

   Dates ideas: So Congratulations if you've made it past the first date...here are some ideas for future dates, including if you both decide to actually work on a relationship. Okay, this is where my opinion can totally differ from other girls, I'm sure...so take it for what its worth.

   Dates, for me DO NOT have to be about bringing me flowers & taking me out to fancy restaurants...you can thank romantic or "girly movies" for putting that idea in a lot of girls heads. Save the flowers & fancy restaurant for a reason (birthday & anniversary).
 For me it's just about making special time for just the two of us...

Going out is nice: Catch a movie, checking out a local pub/bar, grabbing a bite to eat, seeing a concert, doing an activity...

Here are some "Dates" that I think would totally ROCK!!
1.Making dinner together, having a night in watching a movie.
2.Sitting outside by a bonfire on a cool evening, laughing, listening to music.
3.Taking her for a drive to your favorite place/her favorite place...or maybe nowhere specific just finding a cool spot along the way.
4.Just asking her to go for a walk while you hold her hand
5.Even just turning on the radio...listening to music & then surprise her by asking her to dance a slow song with you.
6.Cooking for your girl is 10x sexier then taking her to a restaurant...no, seriously...try it & let me know!
7.Game night, whether it be video games, cards, a board game...or an epic nerf gun battle
8.Surprise her with a picnic, at the park, beach, maybe even in your own backyard
9.Laying on a blanket watching the stars
10.Include her in something you enjoy doing...seriously you never know until you try...she might actually enjoy it. We actually feel more important when you want us to be "part" of something.

  Gifts:Yes, we like them, I would be totally lying if I didn't say we didn't...but, wait here's a little "kicker"...keep them SPECIAL or they will lose value.
 When I say "special" am I talking about price or cost? HECK NO!!
 It's the little things that add up...no really, you think I'm joking.
 Seriously, me...I remember the little things more.
 Here's some examples:

 1.Holding the door open for her
 2.Remembering little things, like her favorite drink, snack, music (song)...really this shows us that you care.
 3.If your girl likes coffee & you get up in the morning to make her coffee...Yup, you're Golden!!
 4.A small note left on the mirror, steering wheel or even table...that says "Your Beautiful", "Have a Great Day", "Can't wait to see you again"...Just a little quick something that tells her you are thinking about her...oh yeah, we get those little "butterflies"
 5.Holding her hand, putting your arm around her or even a gentle touch as you walk by. Do you have to hold her hand or touch her 24/7...no,we just like to be reminded, that well...you are into us!
 Those touches can lead to more...well touching & you get the hint...Rrrrrr! (*disclaimer: I do not completely guarantee, nor promise that this will lead to the** 3** letter word...yes, you know what I'm talking about).
 6.Acknowledging her in public--Say you are out with her, you run into a friend, cousin, co-worker, etc... introduce her, that's all...we definitely are not asking you to shout it from the roof tops...but just a simple "Hey Tom, this is Jane." & with this you can score BONUS points. Add hand holding, arm around her waist while you are introducing her...because you are making her feel important and even more BONUS points are earned!
 7.Asking her about her day/job/appointment, you are making her feel important...I think you may see a pattern here.
 8.Make her laugh
 9.A small gift....like actually picking her a flower or two will mean just as much as buying her a bouquet.
 10.Surprising her by being spontaneous, cook her dinner (& clean up), have a hot bath or shower waiting for her (lite candles & flowers BONUS), plan a date (see ideas above) as a surprise...now you have doubled your BONUS points!

Compliments: Every girl loves compliments, not only does it make us feel good about ourselves (which every girl fights with everyday)--but it also reminds us that You are "into us".
***Don't go overboard, we can tell when they are FAKE!***
The compliments don't have to be only about our "looks" either...even though a girl loves to hear she is beautiful, sexy or hot.
 Mention a good quality about her, something that she is good at, something she does that impresses you & even a "Thank You" for doing something for you...Yes...Appreciation will earn you tons of BONUS points!!

Me Time: Guys, you need that "guy time"...down time, alone time...just want to do "guy stuff" time...RIGHT?
   So do us girls...no really, okay remember this is coming from me, so I can't stake claim to every girls "feelings" on my opinions. So yes. my personal opinion.
   We were both people before we met, started dating, "going out"...whatever they call it now. You have friends & she has friends.
Hopefully you both can "hang out" with your friends together at times---but other times, you & her are entitled to some "Me Time"--just you...chilling...doing whatever you'd like.
Make sure to make some of this time, for each other--respect each other, because when you get back together after having a fun day with friends or just some "down time"....BONUS points will be scored!!

Helpful Tips:

1. Head games...I'm sure you hate them just as much as we do. Just best to both be upfront.
2. You are both people not possessions...you do not "own" each other...there is a HUGE difference between respect & control.
3. Please spend mutual time talking about each other, I'm sure it can bother you just as much as it does us if you only talk about yourself.
4. Realize that you CAN NOT change a person, who you met when you started dating--is who they are--so if they are not a morning person...most likely they won't change that.
5. Actually mean what you say..nothing will hurt a girl more then building her up with empty words.
***If you are a guy that does this just for "personal gain", this is ABUSE...you may not have hit this girl physically..but you have beaten down her self worth...those scars last longer then you think!***

And Hey, if you got this all down...you are ROCKIN' IT!!
*************************HAPPY DATING!!!*************************

Welcome to the Build-a-Man/Woman Store!

So recently I saw a post on social media....giving you an "allowance" to build the perfect man/woman.

I understand some of the reasoning behind it...

-the humor
-realizing that you can't afford it all
-being selective
-what is most important to you
-for some "shopping" is fun..so why not turn dating into shopping
-they make it seem so simple..and who doesn't love easy & simple

So here is the example...I want you to keep it unisex though (yeah, I am girl..so I found this one first).

And though I find it fun...because really all I have in my pocket right now is $5.
 It also made me think a little bit.
If it were truly this simple...wouldn't we have a store somewhere like the one some of kids go to...Build a Bear...
called "Build a Man" or "Build a Woman"?
Can you even imagine a store like that?
You walk in...one wall filled with woman, one filled with men..organized by hair color, eye color, height...you get to pick extra things out of the many bins, like "intelligence" "humorous" "romantic" "financial status".
Then you get to accessorize them, glasses, for the guys..maybe a beard (it is the new trend), oh the guys could choose breast size, butt size...oh the possibilities!
If only this were real, right?!!

Yes, I realize that we are completely drowning in online dating sites, apps, and social media.
I mean, come on..who has the time to actually go out and find someone now?
So is that truly what dating has become...shopping?

I'm not saying that it is all bad...hey I am a late 30's single mom of 3 kiddos...when do I have time to go out, to even have the possibility of a chance meeting with a guy...yeah the checkout lane at the local grocery store, gas station pump, the bank...totally perfect spots there...swarming with all the single people...haha!

So yes, I am thankful for the internet, I have had some pretty great dates & had my fair share of "holy crap this actually happened!".

Ok, so getting back to the $5..shopping for my "ideal man"...I really don't think its a fair justification.
I think every person has something to offer...but you actually need to take the time to get to know them. That is the investment.
 Yes, I admit & I'm sure we all will...a first impression is always where we say "Yup, I'll give this a shot."
There has to be some sort of initial physical attraction...right? Yes, its not necessarily "shallow"...I'm being honest.
 I think it just depends on how "picky" you choose to be. I could have completely missed out on some great dates if I had been "too picky".
 Taking the time to actually get to know someone, investing in yourself & someone else...it's not as easy as just "shopping". A real relationship takes a little more effort.

I feel that it is truly a combination of characteristics that make someone "ideal".

And just like everyone else, I have to look at myself as well...I have great things to offer...but I'm not everyone's "ideal". So you may miss out on something if you're just "shopping".
 I am definitely worth more then the $5 deal..haha!

So I think I'll learn to invest a little more...or just wait until they come up with a "Build a Man" store!